How To Dominate The First Date
You’ve been eyeing a cute girl at school, at your job, or at the gym for the last few weeks. You finally grew a pair and decided to ask her out. She said YES. The first date jitters are now creeping up on you. You have a few days to get it together. What do you do to master the first date and make her like you more?
Make Power Moves
To start, this is not the time to ask what she wants to do or where she wants to eat. You can ask these questions when you’re officially in a relationship. In the beginning, you have to make dominant power moves and that includes choosing where to take her. Now’s your time to show her that you have good taste and can take charge. It’s sexy when a man knows how to plan out a date. All she wants to do is look pretty and show up.
Sometimes women need a break from making all the decisions. They want someone to take care of things for a change. If you can’t even decide where to take her on the first date, how can she expect you to make any type of contributions later on. You’ll seem like you have nothing to offer in the relationship.
Your inability to make a simple decision conveys weakness and insecurity.
Don't Ask, Just Do
After you choose a place, don’t ask her “is this ok?” The only thing you should be confirming is whether she wants to meet you there or you are picking her up. Use common sense here. If she lives in a rural area and doesn’t drive but you do, you should offer to pick her up.
Again, take control – dominance is attractive in this setting.
Choose a place. Agree on a time. Decide on how to meet. Nothing else. If she tells you that she has a seafood allergy or is vegan, obviously pick a place where she can eat in peace. Don’t choose a steakhouse or a seafood place because you’re in the mood for surf & turf.
Stick to Evening Dates
There’s no sexual tension during a walk in the park. You want the mood of the date to maximize your chances of kissing her or some physical contact. This is why you should go with a night date. Also, go with two activities. Just dinner is boring.
Do drinks and dinner. Or drinks and tapas. The mood here will definitely better vibes compared to taking her to a carnival.
This goes without saying but avoid bad areas or environments where there’s a bunch of horny men who will hit on your date. The last thing you want to do is get into a fight.
In the days leading up to the date, don’t over-text. In fact, pull back a bit to create more of an intrigue for the date. Excessive talking may fizzle out the spark before you meet. If you sound too eager, she may get turned off and cancel entirely. Keep the conversation basic when texting – check in, be polite, and keep it to a minimum.
Save the convos for the date.
The last thing you want to do is cover great first date topics via text and show up to the date with nothing to say. Let’s say today is Sunday and you made plans to go out this upcoming Friday. My advice would be to text her on Wednesday to check up on her and then confirm one more time on Thursday or Friday morning. I would not try to have any conversations with her via text. Save it for when you’re finally face to face.
If you ask her out and she says yes, don’t schedule the date two weeks away. Circumstances may change by then– she may meet someone else or change her mind. The textationship may fizzle out if it drags out too long or if you say something weird. So, don’t drag your feet. Seize the moment. I’m not saying that you should set up a date for that same night. A few days away is fine.
Don’t pick a questionable activity for the first date. Keep it traditional. There’s nothing boring with dinner and drinks - she gets to dress up, put on makeup and have a nice dinner. I have clients who come up with odd first date ideas such as an amusement park, picnic, hiking.
Just because she keeps in shape, does not mean she wants to be active on a date. She wants to relax her muscles and ditch the gym leggings for a change; she has six other days of the week to work out.
Q: “But my friend took her girl out on a hiking date and she loved it.”
A: Who cares about your friend. We’re trying to keep it safe. Once you know she’s really into hiking, that could be a 3rd date activity.
There are also men that want to stand out from the rest of her dates. No, you’re trying too hard. A nice dinner never gets old. Don’t try to be creative. There is room to be different and step out of the box on the second or third date, when you know each other more and a connection has been confirmed. For the first date, keep it classy.
Prepare for Silences
When going on a first date, prepare your topics ahead of time. Don’t go in expecting to wing it, assuming that the conversation will flow naturally or it’s an indicator of this being a bad match if it doesn’t. Things may start slow. She may be shy or something may happen during the date that turns it awkward.
Have a set of topics on reserve if silence hits. It’s good to focus on asking her open-ended questions that get her to talking so you can relax. If you need to regroup and think of what to say, then excuse yourself to the restroom. For example, five topics you can ask about are: family, friends, work/school, travel.
What Are You Wearing?
Know what you’re wearing in advance. The last thing you need is to realize that the shirt you were planning to wear has a stain and everything else is in the laundry, all thirty minutes before the date. Prepare your outfit 1-2 days ahead.
Try it on, iron it, dry clean it if needed, and hang it up until its go time. What if you put on a ton of weight? Time to buy a new shirt. You want to get all of this done ahead of time. Speaking of clothing: please dress appropriate. Leave the khakis and sandals at home. Get yourself slim fit jeans, dark shoes, and a dark shirt.
When it comes to grooming, do the following:
- Brush your teeth
- Use mouthwash after
- Confirm you do not need a haircut
- Look for any oddly placed facial hairs that need to be pulled or shaved off
Keep mouthwash on you. After having dinner, rinse your mouth. Do not use a toothpick at the dinner table, even if you tend to cover your mouth.
There is No Reason to be Nervous
Try not be nervous. What’s the worst that can happen? There can be no chemistry or you can say the wrong thing, embarrass yourself, and blow your chances. So what?
This won’t be your last date ever. There will be someone else. With each date, good or bad, focus on refining your dating skills. A lesson can be taken away from each one.
Remember, she has no idea the anxiety you’re feeling about this date unless you share it or act weird. So, if you portray confidence, she’ll buy it.
When someone is nervous, they tend to overshare and talk too fast. Slow down – it’s not a marathon. Be mindful as you speak. If you hear that you are rushing your words, then stop and breathe. Take it down a few notches. Its ok to say “I rushed that, let me go back and explain it better”.
And don’t say too much. She doesn’t need to know that you hate your job, suffer from depression or are short on rent money this month. Make sure to say things that only put in you a positive light. The more intrigue you create about yourself the better. This doesn’t mean that you should act as a mute during dinner. Listen, ask questions, and be engaging.