How Not To Be Desperate For a Girl

How Not To Be Desperate For a Girl
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How to never be needy, desperate, or clingy for women

If there’s one thing women absolutely hate, it’s desperation. You can be fat, ugly, a bad dresser, and still have a chance with a girl. But the moment you show desperation, it’s over. I would even go so far as to say that if you're good looking with a lot of money, desperation can be the one thing that makes a woman lose all attraction for you. That’s why it’s crucial that men never show any neediness to a woman.

Once you’re needy, clingy, and desperate, it’s game over. A woman knows she has you. Mystery is completely gone. The only way to get out of this situation is to up your level of assholeness to balance out your previous beta patterns. But then you run the risk of just looking like an asshole and losing all chances with the girl. Your best bet is to never show any signs of clinginess. Let’s see how this can be done.

Know more women

Why did you get desperate for her in the first place? You probably get little to no attention from women in general. The moment one came along and showed you some interest, you went crazy for her and smothered her in love. This isn’t good.

Women need space. They also love to chase men. Not to any extreme lengths like you avoiding all her calls entirely. But you have to create some distance between you and her so she’s not 100% sure that you’re into her.

To keep yourself tamed and in control of your emotions, it’s good to know more women. You want to be used to female attention. You want their acknowledgement of you to not be an uncommon occurrence. The more used to women you are, the less chance you fall head over heels the moment a new girl comes along and bats her eyelashes at you.

And this makes sense. Think about caffeine. If you never drink coffee, the moment you have an Americano, you’ll be jumping off the walls. But if you have it often, it doesn’t have that much of an effect on you. Female attention is the same thing. Do everything you can to get more women into your orbit.

Do not open up too fast

When you tell her way too much about yourself, she’ll think you’re desperate. That’s why you need to stfu. Let her do most of the talking. Do not talk about your phobias, your childhood, your dreams and hopes, about all the girls that broke your heart, and how you want to fall in love one day. Just be quiet. Definitely don’t go into any of this during those first five dates.

Ask her open-ended questions. Have her open up and talk about her life the most. It should be a 7:3 ratio or even 8:2 ratio with her doing most of the yapping. You want to really open up to a girl? Wait until 10 dates and for her to be your actual girlfriend. Until then, have her talk more, take her out on fun dates, and try to have a good time. Keep conversation light, and try to come off as mysterious in a non-cheesy way.

Don’t be too available

When you never have anything going on and you’re able to see a girl in a moment's notice, she’ll view that as desperation. Also, it’s a bit pathetic. You need to have a life. Combat sports, side hustles, friends, the gym, your career…these things need to be occupying your time. You can’t simply be home doing nothing all of the time.

It’s also extremely attractive when a man is about his purpose and is always doing something. Women do not want to know all you do is eat fast food and play video games in your free time. You have to have hobbies, a social circle, and be part of the world. Being organically busy is an easy way to never be available for her at a moment's notice.

Bad texting game

Texting like a teenage girl will definitely make you come off as desperate. As a grown man, you should not be trying to have long conversations with a woman via text. And you definitely should not be initiating conversations that are better suited during a date. Don’t start asking about her hopes and dreams via text.

Less is more when it comes to your text game. Use texting as a tool to set up dates, check in on her, and that’s it. This points back to also not being too available. You’re too busy and too focused on your purpose to have a textationship with her.


Knowing how to not be desperate for a girl is a matter of having your communication on point, not being too available, staying mysterious, and knowing more women so you’re no stranger to female attention.

None of this is easy or something that can be manifested overnight but it’s important to know the exact elements required to make sure you’re never needy or clingy for a woman again.

If you want more advice on texting, communication, dating, and women, check out my men's dating newsletter.

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Men's Dating Coach

I'm a men's dating coach with over 300,000 social media followers and 25,000+ email subscribers. I’ve coached hundreds of men from all over the world and helped them with dating, relationships, and self-improvement.