The Meaning of “Let’s Just Be Friends”
Suppose you finally built up the courage to tell a girl you’re into that you want to date her. She’s been in your life for a while. You thought there was good chemistry between you two. And one day you said screw it, I’m going to tell her how I feel about her.
What was her response? “Aww you’re so sweet. You’re a great guy, but I don’t want to ruin our relationship. Let’s just be friends.” Brutal. You got shut down and banished into the friendzone. What exactly went wrong? Why did she friendzone you and what does “let’s just be friends” even mean in this context? Let’s find out.
Attraction Always Matters
The most obvious answer here is she just wasn’t attracted to you. That’s going to happen with a lot of women. A woman needs to be into you for her to be okay with escalating the relationship. The only time a girl can look past your appearance is if you have a crazy amount of charisma and swagger, or you’re rich. Otherwise, looks always play a role.
The solution: Find new women. Rejection is a part of life and men deal with it a lot. All you can do is try and have a new set of eyes on you. Know more women. Network with more ladies. It’s all a numbers go. Go through the many rounds of rejection until you find a girl who is into you.
You Misinterpreted The Signs
Were you justified in telling her you liked her? You may have misinterpreted the signs. What you detected as attraction and flirtation from her end, was probably just her being friendly.
It’s not often a guy gets high quality attention from women. The moment they do, they think “hell yeah, she must be into me.” And that’s usually not the case. She may have just liked you as a brother and was being nice and caring to you. You interpreted that as her being sexually appealed by you. This is a very common mistake with men. You're not the first guy to misread the signs and you won’t be the last.
The solution: Don’t read too much into what women say. Even if you’re on a date and a girl says she wants to see you again, she could easily ghost in a moment's notice. Women are fickle. Some girls just say things because they’re scared to reject you openly and honestly. Don’t look at the signs that a woman presents. Just do your best to be a high value man and learn how to talk to women. Focus on what’s in your control.
“I really like you”
Never say this to a girl. You should not be declaring your love for her. If you’re truly into her, invite her out for dinner or drinks. Gauge her interest in you. If she’s super touchy, doesn’t talk to you about other men, makes it really easy for you to keep seeing her, and likes spending time with you alone - this could be evidence that she’s into you. If this happens, keep seeing her, and go for a kiss.
Learn how to communicate in such a way that keeps drawing her into you. You have to create a chase. By saying “I really like you”, all the mystery is gone. Never ever say this line. Do the macho thing instead which is taking her out and being somewhat mysterious.
You Lacked Sex Appeal
I was at the gym the other day on the treadmill and I saw a guy in good shape. But I could tell he lacked the ability to get a woman’s libido going. He was in a worn out tank top, sweatpants about a half-decade old, dirty air force one sneakers, sporting a really sloppy haircut and random patches of facial hair. This guy needed a complete makeover. I get it - it’s the gym. But he had a good frame and a decent face. Cleaning his appearance up would go a long way for him to position himself to meet more women at the gym if that was his goal.
Think about how you look. Is your appearance on point? Are you wearing fitted clothing, in decent shape, with a good skincare routine, and rocking a solid haircut? If not, maybe that’s why she wants to be friends with you. You didn’t maximize your appearance. You have to make yourself as good looking as possible for more women to like you. Even rich fat guys have to make an effort to exercise and look good because you still want her to not cringe at the thought of having sex with you.
Being friendzoned is never fun. But you must look within yourself to see why it happened. Just because you and this girl had a good platonic relationship doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you or wants to be your girlfriend.
To minimize your chances of getting friendzoned, you have to start with the basics - make yourself look as good as possible, add mystery to your persona, and act like a real man around her. A lot of the time, the reason why a man gets friendzoned is because he stops acting like a man and starts acting like one of her girlfriends. And this is something women do not want.
If you want to learn how to really behave around women to maximize your attraction, my men’s dating newsletter is for you.